VISIONS Newsletter - Jul-Aug, 2005 - Published Bi-Monthly |
| A Wedding Story Tarpeh/Lee Wedding - April 30, 2005 Reflections from a Proud Mother - By Fannie Lee Lowe |
I had no idea weddings were such hard hard work. To begin -- Kiya came to San
Francisco for her bachelorette party April 22nd; her childhood friends, also natives
of San Francisco, gave her a gift certificate for a wonderful massage at the
Claremont, a hoity toity spa in Berkeley, then the next day was another all-day
event; they attended a strip-tease class, then 'other' classes to enhance married
life, then a tour of the clubs, then a midnight candlelight supper, then home; she
came back to my house exhausted and super happy.
We all (Nyanati, Kiya and I) came back to Arizona on the plane together one week
before the wedding. We began to get last-minute things arranged and then the
people started showing up -- Marco and Ana (Demarco and Analeise, my grands --
Megan's kids) arrived first and of course, as far as I was concerned, no one else
was needed; they looked gorgeous; they are super good kids and we all cried
tears of joy when we hugged them. Then they got settled in and more people
started pouring in. I was in charge of the airport pickups and I do not envy airport
dispatchers, ok? Total drama phone job that – airport drivers at the wrong
terminal; drivers remembered they have forgotten name signs to hold up only
when they got to the airport, planes arriving late or next day even, planes arriving
early -- but we got everyone picked up safely and to their destination of choice of
residence. My grands job was to swim in the pool and play with the dog and they
were admirable in their positions. . .
Then rehearsal night came. We were an hour late to begin rehearsal because
someone had forgotten the marriage license and Father John (the priest --
Episcopalian --) was looking glum because we were super late but when we finally
got started, the rehearsal went off without a hitch. Then we all came back to the
house for a rehearsal dinner (everybody was invited) and that's when I got to see
cousins by the dozens, some I hadn't seen in 15 years ok? My cousin Evelyn
Winfield and her family DROVE 22 hours straight from St. Louis for the wedding,
ok? Jesus! I was floored.
We just kept getting that kind of sacrificial love over and over and over and small
miracles over and over. It was far beyond us; the love Kiya and Nyanati have for
each other mushroomed into something that was larger than any of us; it took on a
life of its own and spread like honey. It was splendiferous!
So there were roughly 200 people in the house for the rehearsal dinner; Nyanati's
mother, Leola, had been in the kitchen all day long cooking Liberian food -- and
everyone I mean everyone ate every last crumb. . . .shrimp, chicken, crab and
greens mixed and flavored in a special way – with rice of course. We all went to
bed late because people stayed to party after they ate; Kiya and Nyanati went to
the Inn, me and Leola stayed to ‘man the house’ and everyone went to his/her
respective rooms at the Hampton Inn -- a freeway exit away. . . .we all got up late
Saturday. . .oh, Aunt Thelma came ALONE from Pueblo, Colorado! – we picked
her up from the airport -- she's a trooper; she gets up, takes her bath herself, gets
dressed, is super independent, is on dialysis and doesn't let that stop her in the
least; my cousins Crystal and Tiffany came too from Idaho -- so me Aunt Thelma,
Marco and the video dude Foster ride in our Lincoln Town car rented for the day
to the wedding; I'm super cute, so is Marco in his tux and Aunt Thelma in her pretty
blue -- we're all super cute and super happy;
Amazing! We start on TIME. Kiya's dress is gorgeous gorgeous and she is shining
shimmering glowing; she takes my arm and down the aisle we walk looking
gorgeous; everything goes like clockwork; we have a traditionally Episcopalian
service complete with sacrament and I give her to Nyanati midst tons of tears and
voila! it's a done deal. Everyone claps – huge applause. The priest says he got a
rush of love; it’s the best wedding he’s done in quite a number of years. We all
poke out our chests! (When we watch the video afterwards, the video pans to the
crowd and the church is relatively empty when me and Kiya start down the aisle – a
few minutes later, when there is another pan of the congregation, there are twice
as many people and by the time we turn to the crowd to say hooray they’re
married, the church is packed! Kiya and I laughed like children. We were so
oblivious at the time, we had no idea so many people were late! CP time AND LP
(Liberian People’s) time lives!!
We all get in our respective hoity toity vehicles – limos, town cars -- to ride to the
reception -- which is heaven -- it's a garden filled with glorious flowering plants in
full bloom -- it's late afternoon and the sun is shining beautifully -- we all get
together for a photo which includes EVERYBODY -- that was a feat – the
photographer had to get up on a ladder to capture everyone -- then we go into the
garden for dinner -- -- tables are interspersed among the flowers – again, it truly is
heaven –the other beautiful thing about this location is that it is a developmentally
disabled facility in the day time so the money we paid for the use of the grounds
goes to help developmentally disabled children and adults. That felt so so good to
us – win-win. The food is stupendous!
Night begins to fall and waiters light candles at each table, the citronella candles
lining the walkways to keep the bugs away, the children playing among the flowers
AND, are you ready??? we get a shooting star streaking across the sky -- I'm sure
my deceased daughter Megan sent it -- then the speeches, THEN the music -- the
DJ was hitting on all fours -- African music, African-American music—soul – hip hop
– reggae -- he didn't miss a shot -- we danced and clowned until way past
everything –people dancing with canes – old, young, children – then we all
congregated at the house again for an AFTER party and another wonderful
African feast -- by this time everyone is almost tired of partying (if that's possible)
then another late night until around four am when the last guest reluctantly say
good-bye good morning with me and the grands giggling until five am and finally
dropping off to sleep. A family dinner Sunday and everyone by this time is
subdued, just plain worn out and eating slowly but continuously . . .it was
splendiferous. . .
Everyone arrived safely and everyone returned home safely – not one hair of
anyone’s head was mussed – and that was over 250 people flying, driving, --
planes, trains and automobiles! More miracles!
Small miracles of love like my friend who is deathly afraid to fly flew to Arizona to be
at my daughter's wedding. . .the presents??. . . .well we're still opening them –
generosity flowing like .cream . . .it was worth every penny, every everything. So
that's the long and short of it. To use an apt cliché in this circumstance -- you just
had to BE there. . . .
My daughter, an African-American married a Liberian. Historically, that was never
supposed to happen. We were not supposed to be able to communicate with each
other – love each other – come together as the one people we truly are. I
remember, in my mother’s generation, it was an insult to be told we were from
Africa. How far we’ve come! To me, my daughter’s marriage is a happy act of
revolution and growth on both sides. Besides, my baby is the bomb! She married a
village, ok?.
Kiya did most of the work herself; her invitations were hand-done and looked like
Tiffany reproductions; everyone thought they were store-bought expensive. They
both saved money and paid cash for everything, so all of us are broke now (Thank
God I love hot dogs, beans and broccoli) but super happy. They cut financial
corners everywhere they could but not at the expense of quality; everyone kept
remarking how classy, how gorgeous, how it was the best wedding they had been
to. The deep secret was the love from the get-go – the care and total LACK OF
SUPER STRESS! At the outset, we sat down and I said, “it’s YOUR wedding. I may
make suggestions, but the final decisions are yours. and we will not argue, ok?”
“Ok,” my daughter said – and we didn’t. That saved us so that wedding day, all of
us had a good time and partied! It was an old-fashioned wedding in that regard.
We had fun!! Then they honeymooned in Barbados on a shoestring and had more
joy. Now we’re all home, coming down to reality, broke and smiling. The best gift of
all? My daughter looked straight into my eyes and said, “Mom, my wedding was
perfect. Just perfect.” I cried.
Fannie Lee Lowe
***
PUBLISHER’S COMMENTS: A GREAT BIG THANKS to Fannie Lee Lowe for
recording and sharing these memorable moments. This story is filled with
messages that Story Book Romances don’t have to be perfectly set, meticulously
planned, or flawlessly executed. Good intentions, reasonable efforts, high hopes,
moderate expectations, flexibility, a sense of humor, and true love all play a part.
With these ingredients, you can not only get to the wedding, but you can get
through the wedding with all of your hair (natural or otherwise) intact. These by
the way, are many of the same ingredients needed after the wedding to live
happily through the marriage. Our CONGRATULATIONS to everyone in this story
(particularly the Bride & Groom). Wish we could have been there, but thanks to
Fannie Lee’s story, we felt like we were.
To view all available on-line photos press the link below:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=l6c1zj4.6ccm3a8&x=1&y=-ngirsm
Francisco for her bachelorette party April 22nd; her childhood friends, also natives
of San Francisco, gave her a gift certificate for a wonderful massage at the
Claremont, a hoity toity spa in Berkeley, then the next day was another all-day
event; they attended a strip-tease class, then 'other' classes to enhance married
life, then a tour of the clubs, then a midnight candlelight supper, then home; she
came back to my house exhausted and super happy.
We all (Nyanati, Kiya and I) came back to Arizona on the plane together one week
before the wedding. We began to get last-minute things arranged and then the
people started showing up -- Marco and Ana (Demarco and Analeise, my grands --
Megan's kids) arrived first and of course, as far as I was concerned, no one else
was needed; they looked gorgeous; they are super good kids and we all cried
tears of joy when we hugged them. Then they got settled in and more people
started pouring in. I was in charge of the airport pickups and I do not envy airport
dispatchers, ok? Total drama phone job that – airport drivers at the wrong
terminal; drivers remembered they have forgotten name signs to hold up only
when they got to the airport, planes arriving late or next day even, planes arriving
early -- but we got everyone picked up safely and to their destination of choice of
residence. My grands job was to swim in the pool and play with the dog and they
were admirable in their positions. . .
Then rehearsal night came. We were an hour late to begin rehearsal because
someone had forgotten the marriage license and Father John (the priest --
Episcopalian --) was looking glum because we were super late but when we finally
got started, the rehearsal went off without a hitch. Then we all came back to the
house for a rehearsal dinner (everybody was invited) and that's when I got to see
cousins by the dozens, some I hadn't seen in 15 years ok? My cousin Evelyn
Winfield and her family DROVE 22 hours straight from St. Louis for the wedding,
ok? Jesus! I was floored.
We just kept getting that kind of sacrificial love over and over and over and small
miracles over and over. It was far beyond us; the love Kiya and Nyanati have for
each other mushroomed into something that was larger than any of us; it took on a
life of its own and spread like honey. It was splendiferous!
So there were roughly 200 people in the house for the rehearsal dinner; Nyanati's
mother, Leola, had been in the kitchen all day long cooking Liberian food -- and
everyone I mean everyone ate every last crumb. . . .shrimp, chicken, crab and
greens mixed and flavored in a special way – with rice of course. We all went to
bed late because people stayed to party after they ate; Kiya and Nyanati went to
the Inn, me and Leola stayed to ‘man the house’ and everyone went to his/her
respective rooms at the Hampton Inn -- a freeway exit away. . . .we all got up late
Saturday. . .oh, Aunt Thelma came ALONE from Pueblo, Colorado! – we picked
her up from the airport -- she's a trooper; she gets up, takes her bath herself, gets
dressed, is super independent, is on dialysis and doesn't let that stop her in the
least; my cousins Crystal and Tiffany came too from Idaho -- so me Aunt Thelma,
Marco and the video dude Foster ride in our Lincoln Town car rented for the day
to the wedding; I'm super cute, so is Marco in his tux and Aunt Thelma in her pretty
blue -- we're all super cute and super happy;
Amazing! We start on TIME. Kiya's dress is gorgeous gorgeous and she is shining
shimmering glowing; she takes my arm and down the aisle we walk looking
gorgeous; everything goes like clockwork; we have a traditionally Episcopalian
service complete with sacrament and I give her to Nyanati midst tons of tears and
voila! it's a done deal. Everyone claps – huge applause. The priest says he got a
rush of love; it’s the best wedding he’s done in quite a number of years. We all
poke out our chests! (When we watch the video afterwards, the video pans to the
crowd and the church is relatively empty when me and Kiya start down the aisle – a
few minutes later, when there is another pan of the congregation, there are twice
as many people and by the time we turn to the crowd to say hooray they’re
married, the church is packed! Kiya and I laughed like children. We were so
oblivious at the time, we had no idea so many people were late! CP time AND LP
(Liberian People’s) time lives!!
We all get in our respective hoity toity vehicles – limos, town cars -- to ride to the
reception -- which is heaven -- it's a garden filled with glorious flowering plants in
full bloom -- it's late afternoon and the sun is shining beautifully -- we all get
together for a photo which includes EVERYBODY -- that was a feat – the
photographer had to get up on a ladder to capture everyone -- then we go into the
garden for dinner -- -- tables are interspersed among the flowers – again, it truly is
heaven –the other beautiful thing about this location is that it is a developmentally
disabled facility in the day time so the money we paid for the use of the grounds
goes to help developmentally disabled children and adults. That felt so so good to
us – win-win. The food is stupendous!
Night begins to fall and waiters light candles at each table, the citronella candles
lining the walkways to keep the bugs away, the children playing among the flowers
AND, are you ready??? we get a shooting star streaking across the sky -- I'm sure
my deceased daughter Megan sent it -- then the speeches, THEN the music -- the
DJ was hitting on all fours -- African music, African-American music—soul – hip hop
– reggae -- he didn't miss a shot -- we danced and clowned until way past
everything –people dancing with canes – old, young, children – then we all
congregated at the house again for an AFTER party and another wonderful
African feast -- by this time everyone is almost tired of partying (if that's possible)
then another late night until around four am when the last guest reluctantly say
good-bye good morning with me and the grands giggling until five am and finally
dropping off to sleep. A family dinner Sunday and everyone by this time is
subdued, just plain worn out and eating slowly but continuously . . .it was
splendiferous. . .
Everyone arrived safely and everyone returned home safely – not one hair of
anyone’s head was mussed – and that was over 250 people flying, driving, --
planes, trains and automobiles! More miracles!
Small miracles of love like my friend who is deathly afraid to fly flew to Arizona to be
at my daughter's wedding. . .the presents??. . . .well we're still opening them –
generosity flowing like .cream . . .it was worth every penny, every everything. So
that's the long and short of it. To use an apt cliché in this circumstance -- you just
had to BE there. . . .
My daughter, an African-American married a Liberian. Historically, that was never
supposed to happen. We were not supposed to be able to communicate with each
other – love each other – come together as the one people we truly are. I
remember, in my mother’s generation, it was an insult to be told we were from
Africa. How far we’ve come! To me, my daughter’s marriage is a happy act of
revolution and growth on both sides. Besides, my baby is the bomb! She married a
village, ok?.
Kiya did most of the work herself; her invitations were hand-done and looked like
Tiffany reproductions; everyone thought they were store-bought expensive. They
both saved money and paid cash for everything, so all of us are broke now (Thank
God I love hot dogs, beans and broccoli) but super happy. They cut financial
corners everywhere they could but not at the expense of quality; everyone kept
remarking how classy, how gorgeous, how it was the best wedding they had been
to. The deep secret was the love from the get-go – the care and total LACK OF
SUPER STRESS! At the outset, we sat down and I said, “it’s YOUR wedding. I may
make suggestions, but the final decisions are yours. and we will not argue, ok?”
“Ok,” my daughter said – and we didn’t. That saved us so that wedding day, all of
us had a good time and partied! It was an old-fashioned wedding in that regard.
We had fun!! Then they honeymooned in Barbados on a shoestring and had more
joy. Now we’re all home, coming down to reality, broke and smiling. The best gift of
all? My daughter looked straight into my eyes and said, “Mom, my wedding was
perfect. Just perfect.” I cried.
Fannie Lee Lowe
***
PUBLISHER’S COMMENTS: A GREAT BIG THANKS to Fannie Lee Lowe for
recording and sharing these memorable moments. This story is filled with
messages that Story Book Romances don’t have to be perfectly set, meticulously
planned, or flawlessly executed. Good intentions, reasonable efforts, high hopes,
moderate expectations, flexibility, a sense of humor, and true love all play a part.
With these ingredients, you can not only get to the wedding, but you can get
through the wedding with all of your hair (natural or otherwise) intact. These by
the way, are many of the same ingredients needed after the wedding to live
happily through the marriage. Our CONGRATULATIONS to everyone in this story
(particularly the Bride & Groom). Wish we could have been there, but thanks to
Fannie Lee’s story, we felt like we were.
To view all available on-line photos press the link below:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=l6c1zj4.6ccm3a8&x=1&y=-ngirsm
| Click on Photos Below to Enlarge |
